Shitex Incorporated

Shitex is the sound of one hand clapping,

It’s a blood-soaked bath that’s near over lapping,

It's a thousand kids rapping crappy rhymes

and whatever else passes,

with pants that don’t even cover their arses.

Shitex is the traffic jam where Punt becomes Hoddle,

It’s the mad Monday munt when they all hit the bottle,

the truck drivers on uppers going full throttle

and a holiday road toll losing an unwinnable battle.

Shitex is the Byron Bay tracks without any trains,

When it never pours but it always rains.

It’s the State Liberal Government going to pains

To silence the poets and all the people with brains.

Shitex is a new tax, carbon pricing, mining resource rental,

goods and bloody services tax,

taxes masquerading as levies, tariffs, fees,

discounts on fuel and excise on tobaccy,

taxes on ya booze, on ya gas and ya leccy

tax on taxes, on ya house,

on ya car and even ya funeral casket.

Shitex is the opportunist start up upstarts overcharging on utilities.

Australian owned used to mean owned by Australians,

but Shitex means you pay through the nose,

through both nostrils and out your arse too.

Pay Shitex for your phonecalls, line rental and handset,

John Howard fucked Telecom just like he fucked Ansett,

now they've got us browsing for flights on webjet,

crouching in cattle class, while shares are down at Qantas,

moron CEO asks Mr Abbott “why don't you want us?”

Shitex Party Politicians are laughing and saying “not yet!”

Shitex is supermarkets without any baskets,

no baggers or hard sell,

it's available on the Internet, or novated lease,

Shitex is guaranteed without credit checks for bad debt.

It comes in all sizes, for all shapes and all vices.

Shitex even makes nappies and tampons,

sells giftcards and coupons,

and all kinds of add ons,

you can even get pills to help with your hard ons.

Shitex is the Brisbane Bears or Newtown Jets,

your money back on losing bets.

Buskers thrumming on splintered frets,

3 men short of a string quartet,

Forensic cum stains on her epaulettes,

Army rations on plain-packaged cigarettes

Shitex is your darkest fear in an awful year,

A cold wet tongue in your sinful ear,

You can even get it in a pull o' beer,

or a broken promise from a bull's rear.